We are re-entering our social scene! The dinner party is back, and lot’s of action takes place at these intimate gatherings. Guest etiquette is significant, some is standard, and some has changed a bit over the past year.  Since most of us are out of practice, it may be wise to check out these tips. At these parties your manners and behavior are important and contribute to the flow of the gathering.  The host wants you to feel special and you agree to be gracious and appreciative.  When these things are in sync, wonderful things happen around the dinner party table! 

1. RSVP
   

   Respond to the invitation in a timely manner.  That means ASAP. No host wants to think their event was not a priority or perhaps you were waiting for a better offer.  DO NOT CANCEL unless there is a true emergency, your host has planned a great deal around your attendance.  Besides, committment should not be a lost art. An offense here could put you on the do not invite back list.  Of course the other exception to cancelation is if you are sick.  (See # 4)  

   
   

   2.  Arrive On Time
   

   This means 10-15 minutes after the scheduled time.  Do not arrive early, your host is busy with last minute details.  Do not show up late.  Food orchestration is set up on a schedule and your late arrival could throw that off for the whole group.  In case of emergency or mishap that requires a delay, call your host and let them know when you will arrive. 

   
   

   3. Dietary Restrictions
   

   Let your host know about any food allergies or dietary restrictions you, or anyone joining you, have.  A good host wants to take care of her guests and will accommodate this.  Don’t wait until the day before or day of as preparations begin well before this.  It’s disheartening for a host to put so much energy into a meal only to see it not enjoyed.  

   
   

   4. Do Not Show Up Sick!!

   After the year we’ve just had, this can not be emphasized enough.  For a host these days, the only thing worse then a last minute cancellation is a guest showing up coughting or sneezing.  In the past, showing up with a cold was disrespectful, now after living through the pandemic, it is a party stopper….the other guests will be paralyzed with germ stress.  And it could actually be dangerous for some.  Even if you load yourself up with Motrin, it’s better to have consideration for others and just not come.   

   
   

   5. Dress Up
   

   It’s ok to overdress a bit.  This shows you the event is important enough to put some thought into it.  If there is a dress code noted on the invitation, respect it.  If there is a theme, follow it.  If it is a costume party, wear one.  And if it includes an outdoor venue, check the weather and dress accordingly.  Make sure you compliment the host on their outfit!

   
   

   6.  Hostess Gift
   

   Always show up with a token of appreciation for the host.  This is a sign of respect.  It does not have to be grand, it can be simple and even homemade.  Wine is a popular gift and so are flowers. With flowers try to avoid a bunch that needs to be trimmed and put in water right away.  Either bring them trimmed in a decorative jar of water or bring a potted plant.  That way the host doesn’t have to stop what they’re doing to take care of them.  Some of my favorites hostess gifts are:
   

   • A bouquet of fresh herbs

   • Homemade or a box of local chocolate (try making my Almond Butter Chocolate Cups)

   • Homemade loaf bread (try my Double Chocolate Zuchinni Bread)

   • My healthy pancake and waffle mix in a jar with the preparation instructions - this is great for the next morning!

   • A set of spices from your local spice shop

   • Some local fare from your farmer’s market (raw honey, tea, dips)
     

   When you accept the invitation, it’s always nice to ask the host what you can bring to help with the meal.  If they are receptive, proactively make suggestions.  Another not necessary but nice gesture is to call the host prior to coming and see if there is anything last minute that may have been forgotten that you could help with (ice, lemons, sparkling water, etc) 

   
   

   7. Be Respectful of the Host’s Practices, Beliefs and Environment

   Do they remove shoes upon entry? If yes then do so graciously.  Do they say grace, if so then partake or atleat be respectful about it.  If coasters are out, use them.  Do not mess with the music or the decorations.  Don’t be a snoop…no explanation needed!  Please don’t ask to bring home leftovers unless the host proactively offers.  

   
   

   8. Be a Good Conversationalist - I thought it best to put this in list form…..

   • Be interested and interesting. Be curious and ask questions.

   • Do not be an over talker or a story topper.

   • Minimize shop talk, unless of course it is a business dinner and it can’t be avoided.

   • Talk to the people sitting on either side of you. If your host made place cards they did so for a reason.

   • Be an enthusiastic guest and keep the conversation flowing, but don’t monopolize the conversation.

   • If you notice someone left out of the conversation, gently draw them in. Your host will appreciate this.

   • Avoid divisive subjects. If you’re going to bring up politics, do so in an open minded way. Realize that there is a high chance that some at the table has very different views then you do. Your intention should be to better understand other points of view and beliefs, not to prove your’s are right.

   • Avoid drama. If you have a gripe with another guest, save the confrontation for another time and be gracious.

   
   

   9. Compliment the Food

   It’s always nice when a guest takes the initiative to toast the host in gratitude.  Compliment the meal.  If the food really wasn’t good then mention the presentation, the table scape, the theme, etc.  A host always appreciates gratitude!

   
   

   10.  Ignore the Phone!

   This is a more recent behavior that warrants navigation.  Checking our phones have become ingrained habits and often we don’t even realize we’re doing it.  So leave the phone in your coat pocket or purse if possible.  Give your full attention to the lovely gathering.  If you have kids at home that you want to check on, do so discreetly.  No texting! And if there is an emergency, excuse yourself from the gathering area. 
   

   11. Lend a Helping Hand

   At the end of a meal, help your guest clean up.  Gather dishes or put leftovers away.  If it’s a catered dinner, be kind, respectful and appreciative towards the staff.  

   
   

   12.  Do Not Over Drink

   Be disciplined about your alcohol consumption.  Especiallly in intimate settings, practice moderation and make good choices.  If you are enjoying a few drinks, be sure and have safe transportion home pre-arranged.  Please don’t let this become the host’s issue.

   13.  Do Not Overstay

   Your host put on a spectacular dinner gathering and you have truly enjoyed it.  Know when it’s time to go….no matter how much fun you’re having.  Look for social cues like the dishwasher being loaded, the music stops, the lights go on, the watch is being checked, and no more drinks are being offered.  Try not to be the last one to leave.

   14.  Send a Written Thank You Note

   Be sure and send a note to your host expressing your appreciation for the gathering.  My rule of thumb is that for a dinner, an email is perfectly acceptable.  For an overnight stay, a hand written note is warranted.  And for something really special, send flowers or a special gift.  

   15.  Reciprocate
   

   Be sure and invite the host to your next dinner party!

   
   

   “Choose your guests wisely and you’ll probably never have a boring party again. I invite people I really want to see.” - Ina Garten